New – From GuyCo!

I saw this advert the other day. You know, I think the guy next door has got one of these... It’s awesome.

Are you bored with the same wake-up call every morning? Alarm clock not rousing you from your slumber with your desired level of classic American jazz crooning? Waiting for an alternative but time is not on your side? Then wait no longer, GuyCo are proud to present the ‘Diamond 3000® Alarm Clock’. 

“But how does it work?” I hear you not asking. How? Here’s how. The Diamond 3000® is an alarm clock which operates at a decibel level far higher than any human would need. Instead of delivering the boring ‘Riiiiiiing’ or BEEP BEEP tones, the Diamond 3000® will blast out the greatest hits from popular American singing legend Neil Diamond, direct into your ears.

But that’s not all, where most other automated sleep terminating devices wake you, and you alone, the Diamond 3000® will also be heard by your neighbour’s ears too. That’s right, you can also wake your neighbours far and wide* with such hits as 'Love on the rocks', “Cracklin’ Rosie” and ‘Sweet Caroline’ (*Works up to 5 blocks away). The Diamond 3000® comes with 3 different time deployment settings - choose from 05:50, 06:10 and 06.12. With such a varied and compassionate choice, it’s little wonder we are Number 1.

“But how much would I be able to get this magical machine for?” Literally no one is saying. “I bet it is expensive.” For just $89.99US*, this selection of morning musical joy can be yours (*Plus P&P). Just imagine... go on, close your eyes and imagine. Wonderful isn’t it?

“Oh, but I can’t afford it, that’s just crazy money!” This is the beauty of GuyCo, because the chances are if you don’t have one, someone within 5 blocks from you will! There really is no need to thank us, your money and deprivation of sleep is thanks enough. Designed for your pleasure in mind - this is what separates the rest from the best! GuyCo – The nation’s favourite.

Also from GuyCo – Having trouble sleeping at night? Does your neighbour own a Diamond 3000® and it’s preventing you from catching your forty winks? Then drift off to sleep in luxury with our specially selected mix of relaxing authentic country sounds. Includes the classics – “Cows eating your washing at 3am and shouting about it”, “9 dogs fighting to the death outside your front door”, “Cockroach Headwrecker (The Bug extended remix)” and of course everyone’s favourite “I can hear you, but I can’t see you...” by popular beat combo Mosquito Net Error. All these sounds can be yours, on 5 CDs. Doze off in comfort... Coming soon, only from GuyCo.